The Heat of the Chaos
by blissfully ignorant
Summary: Flo and Tocuna's relationship pre-theater troupe. disturbing subject matter--read a/n first
1. Everything is Wonderful

~a/n: damn it feels good to be in front of the computer again! I missed you all so much!! Anyway, I've been thinking of maybe a nice, short piece about those lovely powder faced creatures, Flo and Tocuna. So if any of you don't approve of yuri (lesbians), discussion of suicide, eating disorders, or other disturbing subject matter yet to be decided on, run screaming from this story and read some other fic. Thank you for your time.  
  
T h e H e a t o f t h e C h a o s  
  
C h a p t e r O n e : E v e r y t h i n g w i l l b e W o n d e r f u l  
  
Flo bustled into the silent apartment, carrying a bag of groceries. "Tocuna?" she called.  
  
No response.  
  
A familiar panic flooded her insides as she set the bags on the table. "Tocuna?" she called again. Still no answer. Oh god, she thought, how will I find her this time?  
  
She burst into the bathroom. The water was still on and Tocuna was in the tub, her head back and a pair of headphones on her ears.  
  
"Hi," she said, pulling off the headphones and sitting up a little straighter in the bubbly water. "What are you doing home so early?"  
  
"I just, you know, felt like getting some groceries." She shrugged casually, but her heart was beating rapidly and she tried to hide her shallow breathing.  
  
"'kay."  
  
"Right." Flo said distractedly. She left the room and breathed a sigh of relief in the hallway. There were two reasons why she had been so alarmed, one on each of Tocuna's pale, slender wrists. On a day just like this she had come here, to the apartment she shared, and found her lover in a bathtub full of blood, her head back, eyes glazed-  
  
Stop it, she told herself firmly. She shook her head as if to clear it and began putting the food away.  
  
But her memory persisted. The other time she had come home late at night. She had been fighting with Tocuna over an ex-boyfriend and had spent the evening out to give them both a chance to cool off. She came back to the apartment and found her halfway through a bottle of sleeping pills, choking down sobs and forcing the pills down her throat. After that Flo had quit her college courses and got a job at the same times as Tocuna worked. That way, she would almost never be alone.  
  
What would I do without you, Tocuna? I'm nothing without you. She shook her head again and tried to ignore her thoughts. That time was over. The doctor said Tocuna was stable now.  
  
Tocuna came out of the bathroom wrapped in a faded black rode and smiling. "Wasn't expecting you home from your errands until much later. I had no time to clean up." She walked over and threw her arms around Flo from behind, breathing in the scent of her dark hair. "I'm glad you're early, though. Everything will be wonderful now."  
  
"Yes. Everything will work out wonderful." Flo turned to face her and kissed her cheek. "Someday life will be wonderful."  
  
~A/n2: I just felt the need to point out that this is a pre-theater troupe story, which will probably end when they join said troupe. And don't worry- I swear that the quality will increase and there will be some breed of storyline to this story. 


	2. To be Hollow

~a/n: righty-o then. Chapter 2 is happening right now, as we speak. I have to add to the list of disturbing subject matter: yaoi (gay). That said, enjoy chapter 2.  
  
C h a p t e r T w o : T o b e H o l l o w  
  
Tocuna rolled over in the bed and buried her nose in the pillow. Silhouetted next to her in the city lights was Flo, her slightly skeletal frame rising and falling at steady interval.  
  
She could remember a time when she so much skinnier, so much smaller. Flo used to cry sometimes, telling her she was tired of almost losing her, that she didn't want her to kill herself.  
  
But you were killing yourself too, Flo thought, you were slowly dying in your own way. You can call it what you want, baby, but you were nearly dying.  
  
They said she was stable too, that she could handle life with another person. They told Tocuna that she was rehabilitated. She was still healing, but with some help she could manage living normally. They were mostly right, too.  
  
After Flo was out of the hospital, Tocuna insisted that they move in together. Having someone to huddle over like a hen with only one chick seemed to give Flo more control over her own life. After all, what Flo wanted all her life, the whole reason why she had a problem with eating in the first place, was control. She didn't care what she looked like, she just had needed something of her own that only she could be in command of. It brought her comfort in an otherwise chaotic existence, but had spiraled out of control too fast to keep track of.  
  
Once they moved in, Flo learned that she would have to have control of Tocuna, the neurotic manic depressive that needed a watchful eye. Tocuna, who had been told of her girlfriend's need of control, had played it up just a bit, with the desired results-- Flo had something to live for, something to control.  
  
They took care of each other, each clinging to the other for the support and structure they needed. This was more than a simple romance--they needed each other more than anything.  
  
Tocuna rolled over, checking the clock. 4:13 am, and she had to be at work in the morning. She rolled over and laid her head on Flo's chest, collapsing into a dreamless sleep. 


End file.
